I was looking forward to a quiet night of updating my finances, balancing my checkbook, watching the Clippers, and farting.
But a couple of items in my ledger really got my blood boiling, and it reminded me why I'm so angry in my day-to-day life:
American business doesn't care about American people. More realistically, American business would kill you and eat you, if only it would improve sales.
Despite the common knowledge that most people don't want to be killed and eaten, American businesses pursue the next best thing: financial ass-rape (aka the rip-off). This, despite the fact that most of us would rather be killed quickly than repeatedly ass-raped.
Conservatives who bitch about bloated government oughta consider this reality: many government agencies exist for the purpose of PROTECTING US FROM OUR OWN BUSINESSES!! Seriously! Who else is the EPA supposed to regulate? Your cigarette smoke? My farts? Or Dow chemical, Ford motor company, and Exxon-Mobil?
I don't know what it is with this generation of cocksuckers and their jaw-dropping sense of entitlement...but let me see if I can set you straight.
Businesses that exist only to make money...are leeches. They don't deserve to exist.
The purpose of a business is to provide a good or service. PERIOD.
If you provide a good or service that is of decent quality, reasonably priced, and negotiated in good faith--THEN you deserve to make money.
Profit is a reward for work and innovation. Make our lives better, and we will make your life better, by funding your business and providing your profit. THAT'S the model for capitalism.
It's not fuckin' Enron. Understand?
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What brought this on?
When I got my laptop, I gave my desktop computer (and its peripherals) to my parents.
They'd never used a computer before. My mother is constantly afraid that pushing the wrong button will break the computer and fry the circuitry; my father is afraid that just having a computer in the house leaves him open to his checking account being drained, despite having never entered anything at all into the computer--and this was BEFORE he had internet service.
Easy-to-use tutorials for cranky old-timers are hard to come by, so I tried that Video Professor CD thing (you know the one--that old, bald Dr. Phil-looking guy who constantly says "our product").
My mistake. I can take a little solace in the fact that I'm not alone (
Rip-off Report here), but I should've
done my homework (nice Google search).
This is what I mean by good faith and reasonably priced. Video Professor is a good product. But instead of accolades, I'm gonna file complaints with some state Attorneys General and go to small claims court--rather than buy more products. How the hell is that healthy for the economy?
In Video Professor's case, "too good to be true" isn't. The 6.95 price is reasonable for demo educational software. The 79.95 they charge you for not cancelling...isn't.
You'll notice the rebuttals to customer complaints cite the "How it Works" link on the Video Professor website. Except...there are TWO "How it Works" pages: one accessible
through the FAQ page, and the other just as you're checking out and you've already entered ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION! So, when they ask if you read "How it Works"--and you check the box, because you read the FAQ version--it's fraud. It's just. fucking. fraud.
But that's the model for businesses nowadays. Here's our product, for a little below the market value, just to try it...and then we'll conveniently ass-rape you month after month until you call us and beg us to stop. And even then, we might not.
This "we'll bill you until you tell us not to" scam has got to stop. For YOUR sake, rip-off companies. Y'know why? Because it makes me not want to spend any money.
ON ANYTHING!
Seriosly. After an experience like that, I look around my house and say, "Y'know, I'm satisfied with what I have anyway." And I put it in a Roth IRA. For me. Later. To spend when I'm OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
This is why, when people commit credit card fraud and similar Robin-Hood-type crimes, I stand up and cheer. STICK IT TO THE MAN!! FUCK THOSE YUPPIE WHITE COCKSUCKERS WHO THINK THE WORLD IS THEIRS JUST BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD CHARM THEIR WAY THROUGH LIFE BECAUSE THEY CHARMED THEIR DESPERATE ALCOHOLIC MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS.
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Second on the shit list: waiters.
Not even waiters: help and kitchen staff at restaurants and sandwich counters.
I get take out. I don't tip.
You should NOT tip when you order take out. Because...IT'S FUCKING TAKE-OUT.
Some little actor wannabe cock-smoker used to "tip himself" a buck every time I ordered Chinese. I would just sign the slip--then when I got my statement, it turned out to be a dollar more than I signed off on. I didn't complain, because 1) it was a buck, it ain't even worth my time to go down there, and 2) the place went out of business, and the little cock-smoker lost his job. I left vengeance to the Lord, and He provided.
After that, I started paying attention to the "tip" line on my receipt when I ordered take-out. Now, I draw a BIG circle around the "subtotal", then sign off. I'M NOT. FUCKING. TIPPING. FOR TAKE OUT!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD. DAMN. HEAD!
Despite this new way of HIGHLIGHTING the amount of the charge, some little THIEF "tipped" themselves an extra 2 bucks--at my expense.
No. Not after that Video Professor bullshit. I'll have your head on a pike, you spoiled little cunt. Just because you were stupid enough to take a job for less than minimum wage does NOT give you the right to STEAL FROM ME.
I'm visiting the manager tomorrow.
What is it with girls who think they're cute and guys who think they're hot getting waiter and bar maid jobs and EXPECTING tips???
Tipping is OPTIONAL. It is a PRIVILEGE for GOOD SERVICE. If your service STINKS, or your ATTITUDE stinks--or maybe if I just don't fucking feel like it--I AIN'T TIPPING YOU!!
Look--I would RATHER get the shit MYSELF because YOU TAKE TOO FUCKING LONG, ANYWAY!! And what's with the attitude? It's not like you're especially skilled. You know what your job description is?
"FETCH"!! That's it! Fuck, at least my German Shepherd could "speak" and "shake hands"! As it is, you ain't even qualified to
BE MY DOG!! So lose the chip on your shoulder, Sparky!!
And you know these coffee houses, pretzel wagons, and hot dog stands with "tip jars" on the counter? THAT'S FUCKING PANHANDLING.
Panhandling is for people WITHOUT jobs!! Either you wanna be a bum, or you wanna be an unskilled slob working in a hot box because you're too stupid or lazy to get a higher-paying menial job. Either way, don't take it out on me. It's not my fault you don't have the skills or ambition to make a living wage.
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY HERE ILLEGALLY!! DON'T MAKE ME CALL I.C.E.!! You work in a fucking KITCHEN!! I'M NOT GONNA TIP THE KITCHEN HELP AT KFC, WHY THE
FUCK SHOULD I TIP YOU??? DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE, FRUITCAKE!!
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Lastly, I looked at my Sprint PCS bill. Of course, in another perversion of American business, Sprint has merged with Nextel, which means it's now in bed with TWO businesses, having "lent its network" to AT&T.
What-the-fuck ever. All I want to do is NOT do business with AT&T. They were the first company to ever make my shitlist. Now that the shell game is complete and the fragmented companies of the old Bell network are a monopoly again--I can't get away from the bastards.
So--I called 411 a few times last month.
Cost me $5.60.
FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS. For information.
It's $1.40 for every call.
It used to be a quarter.
Y'know what? I...hope all the marketers at AT&T...all the sales people and customer reps at Video Professor....every waiter and bartender who thinks the world owes them something just because they were fucking stupid enough to take a job for less than minimum wage...
....God will take care of you.
Will. He. Ever.
I won't be around to see it, but...I'll be laughing at you.
American business stinks. If you can buy foreign, do it.
It's your patriotic duty to stick it to the bullies who insist on fucking our people out of their livelihoods.
